When Adulthood Actually Arrives

For a while I didn't think adults really existed. We were all just children with a bit more life experience and responsibilities.

Then I had a child.

Nearly immediately, I started to feel like an adult.

When I became a parent, my entire perspective shifted. Now I'm responsible for another life. The decisions I now take need to be based on a new set of priorities. My job is now essentially to be in-service of my child. And to take on this "adult" role for them.

When you're a child, you seem to have an idea of what an adult is. They're someone that provides, they're sensible, and they seem to have everything worked out.

But when you become a young adult, you finish school, get a job, even move out of your parents' house. It made sense that eventually you would somehow become a "real" adult. Instead it feels like you're same person you always were. It's just that you're now doing the things you thought an adult should do.

I felt like this for quite some time, as I only became a father when I was 32 years old. It didn't happen when I graduated from university, bought a house, or as I worked my way up to being a senior software engineer.

But as soon as my daughter was born, there was a realisation. She needed someone to look up to, to provide for her, to make sure she's healthy, and to give her support and guidance. She needed a real adult in her life, and I had to step up.

It reminds me of Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. There's a moment where someone cast a Patronus to save him, and the only person Harry thought this could be was his father. Due to some Time Turner-related events, later on, Harry finds himself where this figure stood. Then when no one else came to help him, he realised it was himself the whole time.

It's not the exact same scenario. But I think in a symbolic way it represents the reaching of adulthood.

For quite some time, I felt like I was ageing, and I was gaining more life experiences. But I was still the same 18-year old, just with a few more grey hairs, and a bit more money. That's because I didn't have any major responsibilities. I could skip meals, go to bed late, go to the pub, or even stay at work late.

But once I became a parent, everything changed. My daughter needed feeding, a routine, enough sleep, and me to be present.

For years I expected some kind of moment where I would feel ready to be an adult. When that didn't happen, I thought that maybe real adults didn't exist.

But now I think that you only really become an adult when you need to be one. In reaction to your environment. You don't get to wait until you feel qualified. It's a response to necessity. You become an adult because you need to be an adult.

Maybe that's why so many people my age feel like they're only pretending to be adults.

When you're a child, you see this provider and protector figure as an adult. But when you become a parent, it becomes a lot clearer. The adults weren't people who had everything sorted. They were people that had someone depending on them completely. They simply had to show up.

Maybe the people as kids we looked up to as adults, were just our parents all along.